Thursday, June 4, 2020

The other side of the coin

We may have different opinions of the matter but truth is, you will never be able to comprehend this one other than yours. My heart and emotions struggles as I juggle the expectations of yours, putting aside my own. 

Re-reading my blog posts over and over again, I vividly recall the day I lost my sparkle. I'm not crazy, but YOU MADE ME CRAZY. You made me the fool. 

Your failure in facing the reality wrecked mine. You dropped the bomb on me when I least expect it, all set for a hit-and-run. They said the first time is a mistake, the 2nd time is a choice. Either way, no circumstances gives anyone a free pass to do so. 

When you invested so much time, energy, money, heart and soul into it. It breaks to see it fail. It feels like you dragging me straight to the graveyard, burying me alive. 

Of course, they are blinded to all my sacrifices because in their eyes, you are perfect and I'm the monster. In time, all will prevail my love, all will prevail. Not from me, but Him. 

The Lost Star

Our fighter, our lost star. In loving memory of my late grandfather, Almarhum Hj Subuki Bin Suki. 

Sunday, February 24, 2019

Domesticated who??

Adulting officially begins when stay on your own. Though this may not be the first home I've owned, it still feels brand new to me, just as it would to many of you.

Unlike the practices in other parts of the world where children were expected to move out at the age of 18, most Singaporeans will only move out of their parents home once they are married, or if they're single, eligibility to own a place is at the age of 35. Renting a place in Singapore is not even an option for most as it can be very costly. Real talk, if one have an option to save money along with the extra help on house chores and splitting the bills or spend a fortune on rental, which would you rather?

Staying on your own comes with a new set of responsibilities. If you used to only maintain your own room, now you have a whole house to maintain, bills to pay, never-ending clothes to launder and more importantly meals to prepare. 

House chores are 'chores' only because we dread doing them. On the contrary, I'm rather fond of it. In the words of Marie Kondo, cleaning "Sparks Joy" to me. Something I inherited of my late dad. Another thing that "Sparks Joy" to me, is cooking. Recipes I picked up from mum. But recently, of some created by my own though mostly from instant pastes lah.. Alamak bocor rahsia!

Don’t underestimate our cute cooker hob which has served us well. I cook almost everyday if not every other day. Some may find it a waste to cook because you'll need to finish up the ingredients, ending up with a big portion of food with no one to finish it. I'll cook whatever that works for us. When there are leftovers from dinner, I'll pack it up for lunch the following day.

It can be overwhelming initially obsessing over a perfectly maintained house all the time. Just chill for abit. Enjoy the process. Over time, you'll get into the cycle of your own time-table.

Till the next one! 😘

Saturday, February 9, 2019


Scrolling through my Instagram feed, I see an array of photos of holidays, food, friends and families getting together, new mummies and daddies welcoming their bundle of joy into the world, pregnancy announcements, graduation, engagements and weddings, honeymoons, excited newlyweds getting their keys to their first home. The call for a celebration knows no limit.

Alhamdulillah for all the happiness in the world.

2018 was a roller coaster ride for me but if there is one thing I would like to express my gratitude for is the place where I seek solace. My saving grace, a place I call 'Home'. I'm sure anyone can agree with me that there is nothing better than having a place to call your own. A thing that not everyone possess. And for that, I can't thank Allah enough for this blessing.

The renovation package was a steal and it didn’t take much for our ID to turn our ideas into reality. In fact, the outcome exceeded our expectations. We were grateful for all the little freebies/ surprises he threw in for us (on top of our package) such as free mirrors, Blum cabinet hinges (like whatt??), touch ups, completing ahead of the timeline. We were surprised to learn of his departure from the company right after our project. Not that we were any troublemakers.. Haha!

Here's some of my favourite corners of our humble abode:

Wednesday, February 6, 2019

My undoing

Here I sit in my living room, appreciating every inch and corner of this home for tomorrow is never guaranteed. My head is clouded, my heart is heavy. The question that keeps running in my head "What will become of me?"

I speak as a helpless one waiting for an impending doom. A doom that I had inflicted upon myself for the sake of my sanity. The whole time, I scrambled in all corners of my heart and mind in search of peace and happiness. I've learnt that being selfless only caused more pain to happiness. I've learnt that pressing issues needs to be addressed and not bottled up. I've learnt that I do not need to impress others and that I am enough. I am enough. Yet it is something I don't tell myself often enough. 

I drowned myself in the worlds' expectations. I took the blame for the shortfall. One and for many more that was not mine to take. And that, was my undoing.

Tell me, to what lengths does ones' sacrifices go? I've never spared a trying second. The pessimists would say I'm a quitter because I gave up. But new beginnings are often disguised as a bitter ending.

Tuesday, December 25, 2018


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