My undoing

Here I sit in my living room, appreciating every inch and corner of this home for tomorrow is never guaranteed. My head is clouded, my heart is heavy. The question that keeps running in my head "What will become of me?"

I speak as a helpless one waiting for an impending doom. A doom that I had inflicted upon myself for the sake of my sanity. The whole time, I scrambled in all corners of my heart and mind in search of peace and happiness. I've learnt that being selfless only caused more pain to happiness. I've learnt that pressing issues needs to be addressed and not bottled up. I've learnt that I do not need to impress others and that I am enough. I am enough. Yet it is something I don't tell myself often enough. 

I drowned myself in the worlds' expectations. I took the blame for the shortfall. One and for many more that was not mine to take. And that, was my undoing.

Tell me, to what lengths does ones' sacrifices go? I've never spared a trying second. The pessimists would say I'm a quitter because I gave up. But new beginnings are often disguised as a bitter ending.